so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You ruined the universe
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
