I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
