very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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