Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
