So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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