I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
