remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
