Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
