Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
