ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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