i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
