he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
