do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
