HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
