Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
