After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
