sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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