ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize