Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
