and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
