im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't put those talents on a resume
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My ass is underappreciated
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
