Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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