before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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