Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
