Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
they're like a gay fantastic four
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
