Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
