i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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