imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
