Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
