how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
