don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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