I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
