You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
