i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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