I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
