woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
