sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
