I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
