I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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