Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
