Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
