I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
