Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
