His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
