R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
