Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
