i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
