holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
