I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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