we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
