Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
