i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
