So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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