I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
