3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
