From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
