put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
