I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
