a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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