I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
