so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone came in the potted fern
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize