it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
